Duality
by BlackProdigy
Summary: Spencer Reid is the love of Derek Morgan's life, but with the genius' break from reality, Morgan had no one else to blame but himself.
1. Part 1

Title: Duality

Genre: Angst/Romance

Pairing: Morgan/Reid

Rating: M/ NC17

Summary: Spencer Reid is the love of Derek Morgan's life, but with the genius's break from reality, Morgan had no one else to blame but himself.

 **Benchmark Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds, it is trademark property of CBS corp and studios. This is a work of fiction only.**

 **A/N1: This idea slapped me so hard I had to post it, despite the fact that it has a way to go in the way of writing the rest of it.**

 **2\. Please be aware that this story, though separated in breaks is a long one-shot. I decided to break it down into chapters, mainly for the suspense value which was the reaction I got from my awesome Beta: KTT2123 and because I have to finish writing it. Also, it seems like it takes place over a stretch of days but when it all comes to the conclusion you'll see why. Then I will put all in one large chapter.**

 **3:** **PLEASE NOTE THE TIME STAMPS.**

 **Beta and un-beta'd** : Beta is in the most awesome **KTT2123,** who on her first reading on this part was like, "…W.T.F…" is my adviser/sounding board/cheerleader but unbeta'd as in not grammatically run through.

* * *

" _Albert Einstein asked a question that sometimes drives me hazy, am I or the others crazy?" Season 1 episode 8: "Derailed."_ (Spencer Reid's voice)

* * *

 _ **BAU Headquarters, Quantico VA. August 20, 9:48 a.m**_

The severely strained look on SSA Hotchner's face said it all as he once again pocketed his cell phone.

JJ had just come to them with an urgent case from Philadelphia where an UnSub was on a killing spree. In the last three days the UnSub had murdered six young women, one was first, two were on the third day and three were the seventh. If the projection was right the body count would increase by one each day and that meant four in the next few days and five six to follow.

He or she was escalating extremely quickly and they had to get on top of this or the country would be thrown into a panic. They needed to move out immediately and one critical person of the team was AWOL; Special Supervisory Agent Spencer Reid.

Hotch had tried his number over five times and each time he had got nothing so he resorted to desperate measures; Derek Morgan.

The obsession crimes expert, who was double checking his go-back jerked when his name was snapped, "Morgan!"

Derek Morgan took in the grave face of his unit chief and mentally swore, "Yes, Hotch?"

Dark eyes pinned smoother chocolate ones, "Reid isn't answering; do you happen to know why considering you two were together last night?"

"No idea Hotch," Morgan shrugged nonchalantly as his conscience screamed " _liar_!"

Morgan didn't exactly know why Reid, who hated to be late, hadn't turned up for work, but he could assume some of it.

Last night, after a four day stretch of straight paperwork he, feeling the need to decompress had coaxed Reid out into going to another club, knowing full well that the young genius had earmarked that time to put order to his ever overflowing bookcase.

Morgan had prodded the boy genius with the (vain) hope that his time, the fifty-sixth, Reid would actually have some fun.

He'd been wrong.

The night was a repeat of the fifty-five times before it. Reid had parked his sweater-vest and corduroy pants clad self to a table in the corner while nursing his version of a cocktail, vodka and cranberry juice (hold the vodka) and looking completely out of place.

A few people had approached him but after Reid had launched into his nervous rambling stage, spouting something that from the motion of his lips had to be something about the fermentation of vodka from potatoes, they had scurried away.

Morgan, feeling a little pity for his awkward colleague, had cajoled him into a dance where the darker agent had to literally steer his hips for Spencer to even shift them.

Derek hadn't really minded because the club they were in was a fairly open minded one and same sex couples were dotted throughout the crowd. And besides, after coming to grips with his bisexuality, which the team didn't know of (he kept his business to himself). Morgan had no problem doing it because he knew that the boy genius, even though processing his actions as strange, would allow him to.

The second Morgan's hands had settled on Reid's hips, Spencer's pale face had bloomed red. A soft shade that Derek privately felt was attractive on the genius.

Reid had twisted his head away to look deliberately at the wall which made his uneven movements even jerkier.

Morgan had to gently force Reid's face back to him and grinned at the "deer-caught-in-headlights" look. And just like the seldom times he had seen those eyes this close, he felt like he was drowning in them. They were a hypnotic shade of molten gold, an undefined shade that made Derek's grin slip just a little.

"You're killing my pride here Reid," Morgan coaxed, "Just let loose for once in your life."

"Let loose?" Reid had complained quietly, "Morgan, are you a masochist or something, because I'm pretty sure that for your aim of decompressing, this, dancing with me, is going to drop your chances of scoring to negative numbers."

Derek shrugged with a smirk, "Maybe I don't need to go home with a fiery hot redhead or a banging brunette tonight. Sometimes just messing with you is enough."

Reid had wrinkled his nose in that cute way like when a cat got miffed and sardonically drawled. "I'm _so_ honoured to be your entertainment factor tonight."

"Good," Morgan grinned, "Now stop thinking and move, and don't even think of giving me that glare and the thirty-seven minute lecture that a human being can't stop thinking. I _know_ you pretty boy."

Spencer had sniffed but with the following minutes had valiantly done what Derek had asked...even with his two left feet. After the twelfth time of Reid stomping on his, Derek, laughing had tugged Spencer off the dance floor to the bar.

"So after the disappointment of dancing, now you want to get me drunk?" Reid glared teasingly, "Why Derek Morgan, are you going to ask me over for coffee too?"

Morgan has almost spit out his drink, "What do you know about _that_ kind of coffee pretty boy?"

"Absolutely nothing," Reid said wryly bending his straw, "That's the point,"

Derek while nursing his scotch took a good look at Reid and absently appreciated the soft sheen of sweat on his forehead that was glinting under the strobe lights of the club. His hair was back to the attractive boy band cut with a long bang over his right eye and the honey golden strands were curling at the ends.

Morgan had to clench his fist to stop his fingers from running through the tousled hair. A gesture common place at the BAU where everyone knew was just casual teasing but would probably send mix messages here.

Derek spotted the "far away" look on Spencer's face and realised that the genius was buried somewhere in his mind and was absently biting his lower lip causing the thin appendage to bloom red with blood.

Spencer then shifted to look at the crowd and that move highlighted his androgynous face; a face that Derek wasn't afraid to privately admit haunted him in his dreams some nights.

Derek knew he was ' _the'_ ladies man, but even after adjusting to his new state, Morgan had still kept up his 'skirt-chasing' attitude because he wasn't going to let his hard worked for reputation go to waste.

He still chased and was chased after by women of all creeds and cultures while shoving his attraction to Reid into the deepest and darkest part of his mind. Over and over again he told himself it wasn't going to happen.

Compartmentalisation is a profilers best friend, without it no profiler would ever sleep at night, so Derek made sure to never even give a hint of who he was at his job. Even if it came out he'd likely sever his arm before he approached Reid, but even with it all, he just couldn't stay away.

Not a day went by when he didn't ruffle Spencer's hair, offer a hearty clap on the shoulder or give him an assuring grin or annoy him by calling him 'pretty-boy' or when he could get away with it, 'baby-boy'.

When they needed Spencer to be at the top of game, it had only taken him three times to get the coffee-to-sugar ratio of Spencer's coffee right. When they had downtime, he had taken a chance to spice the diabetes-in-a-cup up with drops of peppermint, a spoon of nutella here or even almond spice there.

Surprisingly, Spencer still drank them all.

The young man was the perfect target for pranks and believe it or not the kid, when the war had started, had given as much as he has gotten. Morgan would never forget lying in the air-plane's chair and hearing Reid's screams in his ears.

Reid was unstoppable when he was on a roll, spouting out facts only found in textbook that perhaps less than one percent of people on the planet had even read. In the early years he had known that the genius could talk his way out of every situation but when it came to self-defence he was completely bothered.

He'd never admitted it but his fear for Reid had started the day he had gotten on a train with a psychotic and used sleight of hand to save a train full of people- Elle included. The man was resilient too, every time Morgan remembered Hankel and Reid's struggle with his addiction to Dilaudid and even his weakness after the anthrax poisoning had made Morgan worry out of his mind.

Those nights he'd stay awake, lying on his sofa in the half light, just rubbing Clooney's ears for comfort and praying the Spencer would make it through.

At first he had thought the only reason he couldn't get Reid out of his mind was because he felt a big-brother type of overprotective feeling anytime Spencer was out in the field without him. That overprotective feeling had somehow coalesced into a worried-out-of-his-mind secret lover feeling.

Last night had severely challenged his oath to not try anything with Reid.

In the half darkness of the club, after their disastrous dance, Derek had cast an eye over the crowd a ways from the bar and felt the inordinate need for some peace and quiet. Putting his empty glass down, he had jerked his head to the door. "Wanna split, pretty boy?"

Spencer had looked at him in shock, "B-but I thought you'd want to stay. You haven't been out for a while, considering the case in Michigan and Ohio and then the back and forth in Houston. Not to mention the little downtime we had was filled with paperwork which admittedly, I borne the brunt off, but I still think..." Reid paused to breath," Isn't this therapeutic for you, your way of winding down?"

Shooting a look over the dancing bodies Derek had to admit, it was his ground for letting off steam but this time...

"Yea, it is kid," Derek admitted with a shrug, "But sometimes strobe lights and pulsing music cannot solve everything. And I'm damn sure it ain't any calming atmosphere for you; so let's split, if you're ready."

Jumping at the chance to leave Spencer had nodded eagerly and practically ran to get their coats.

Outside in frosty air of late November, the two walked to Derek's truck and hopped in. Derek switched on the ignition and the seat warming process very soon after. After a moment Spencer basically melted in his comfy seat and adjusted it a bit back to allow for his long legs.

Derek had shot a quick look over and Spencer's head tilt to the side as long lashes fluttering over butterscotch eyes until they closed completely with the appearance of sleep.

The kid looked so peaceful like this, but Derek knew it was a temporary façade because Reid was plagued with troubles- on every side.

Derek knew about the nightmares, the sleeplessness, the damaging migraines and the latent fear of inheriting the schizophrenia his mother Diana was suffering through. Derek knew about the NA meetings and how Spencer struggled to stay clean when temptation was bulldozing his mental door.

Every time fate founded it funny to throw a roadblock in the Spencer's way, Derek had watched the kid surmount them and each time he won Derek had like he had won with him.

Soon enough Derek pulled into the driveway of Spencer's apartment and after unbuckling his seat-belt had reached over to gently prod Reid into full consciousness.

Golden eyes blinked open halfway and then fully. A fond smile crossed Derek's face at the slightly bewildered look on the young man's face.

"We're here kid," Derek said gently.

"Oh," Spencer blinked himself into awareness. He then reached across and released the safety latch.

Derek stilled for a moment wondering why Spencer's head was bowed and why his long fingers were fiddling with the strap on his belt.

Feeling concerned Derek prodded Spencer's side, "Didja hear what I said pretty boy, we're at your place."

Still Spencer didn't answer and how Derek was getting concerned. "Reid, are you okay? You're not drunk are you? Cause if you are Hotch will literally kill me if you report tomorrow morning half-assed."

Still nothing came from the youngest agent and then Derek was getting scared, "Spenc-"

"I heard what you said Derek," Spencer said lowly, his voice was a bit mumbled because of the position of his head.

"Pretty boy, you're scaring me, tell me what's going on."

It happened in a flash, Spencer looked up and as he did his bottom lip, clearly bitten, slipped out from between his teeth. Derek felt a strong surge of attraction go through him and in the next seconds those lips were on his.

The dark agent froze before his senses kicked in and he felt Spencer's lips. They were perfect, slightly chapped, thin and soft and faultlessly bow shaped, fitting into his like a missing puzzle piece. A million things flashed through Derek's mind, shock predominantly and then arousal.

By instinct, Derek titled his head and opened his mouth a little to allow Spencer's tongue to enter. When the hesitant muscle touched his he felt a torrent flood of red hot lust just before it froze with fear.

Derek felt panic run through him like a strike of lightning and he pushed Reid off. He was dumbstruck for a moment as his mind worked in panic to find words he needed to say to an expectant Reid. Morgan knew he had about five seconds to either accept him or reject him but somehow no words came.

The streetlight just before then highlighted Reid's eyes and after the five seconds of silence the golden orbs were contorted in the pain of rejection.

Before Morgan knew it Spencer was out the door and in a flash keyed the door and was inside. Derek, while trying to regulate his breathing, felt his hands spasmodically clench and release over the smooth steering wheel cover.

His mind was still trying to come to grips with the fact that Reid had just kissed him.

Spencer Reid; slender and lanky the resident genius of one eighty six IQ, blessed with an eidetic memory; he was a bombshell in the bullpen and a bookworm outside of it. The socially awkward, stuttering prodigy, probably slated to reproduce by mitosis, had just upped and kissed him.

Holy fuck, who else knew that Reid was...gay? Well, considering Austin and Lila, he was more likely bisexual, but still?

Morgan ran a shaking hand over his face and sighed, the profiler within him instantly recognising that he'd just dug himself into a deep shit laced ditch with Reid.

The shy young man had probably just annihilated all of his personal internal rules of engagement for him. Reid was never the type to be forward so what the hell had happened?

Was it the alcohol or maybe it was the dancing?

Still trying to come up with a reason, Morgan drove away forcing himself to think of where to go next instead of what had happened five minutes ago.

Lately he'd taken to staying a night or two among three of his already renovated homes, in a bid to choose one to permanently live in.

It could be flat on Naples Street with the hot tub on the back deck or the duplex on Fourth and Hemingway with the large backyard, a favourite of Clooney, or maybe it was the four bedroom house on Fletcher Street with the huge fireplace, the perfect setting for a making love.

Morgan wasn't sure which. Lately he'd been feeling the urge to settle down and be in a stable relationship. God knows how that could be though because his track record with stable relationships was absolutely zero.

Or, maybe he'd just go home tonight and relieve his neighbours of Clooney.

That sounded right. Pulling up his home Morgan staved the troubling feelings off while knowing that they were bound to resurrect while he was in bed, staring aimlessly at the ceiling.

After collecting Clooney from the teen next door, Alex, and giving him a generous fifty dollars bonus, Morgan went inside and robotically went through his routine.

Dust out Clooney bed in the washroom, refill his water bowl, reset the alarm, take a hot shower to rinse off the club's smell of sweat and smoke, change into sweat bottoms and grab a beer. Morgan slumped against the couch and this time didn't even try to stave off the thoughts of Reid.

He knew he wanted Spencer but how did Spence come to that conclusion? Derek was damn sure he never, _**never**_ given off any of those vibes to the young man. He was a profiler, a damn good one at that, and he knew they knew nothing because he had let them see nothing. So how did Reid know?

Derek knew that Reid was alone, that the boy wonder didn't put himself out there to get attention from others… so was Spencer construing his constant attention into something else?

Was it because of the early mornings in the hotel rooms when he had to hold a quaking Reid from another of his nightmare, or maybe it was his instinctively placing his back to Spencer's when they were surrounded by UnSubs or was it the simple pick up gift of coffee and a blueberry scone in the afternoon when the genius's energy was running low?

Or…or…Morgan didn't dare think of it…maybe Reid had felt that way for him all this time?

Closing his eyes he re-felt it; the soft sensation of Reid's cranberry flavored lips on his and then the urge to push Reid against the door and ravage his cute mouth until he was panting and so aroused that he was begging for Derek to take him.

But in that same split second his cognitive mind had realised that is was _Reid_ who kissing him!

Taking a deep swig of the beer Morgan cursed the adverse reaction of his fight or flight response, "More like fucking freeze," He murmured darkly into the bottle.

Rubbing a hand over his scalp Morgan groaned, "Damn it baby boy, couldn't you have given me a heads up or something? At least some sign you were into me would have made all the difference."

Derek imagined that Spencer must have sat there and gone over every scenario and hypotheses until he gave up and went with a gut feeling instead of a fully prepared tactic.

Picking up the phone he'd called Reid, knowing that this was such a pathetic way of trying to fix his blunder. As he expected, Spencer hadn't answered and Derek couldn't blame him.

If someone had had done what he had done to Spence to him, he wouldn't have answered either.

But now…

"Morgan," Hotch said in his no-nonsense, unit chief tone which snapped him back to reality. "We need Reid on this. Go get him and come back pronto, wheels up in fifty."

"Why not send JJ?" Morgan asked trying to not sound as reluctant as he really was. "If anyone can drag Reid out of a funk, it's her."

Aaron's eyes narrowed, "JJ is occupied with making sure the right people are there when we hit the ground running. Rossi is updating Strauss and Prentiss using her mother's influence to finalise the gag order on the press."

Now he was getting a bit desperate, "What about Seaver?"

Now Hotch really did look suspicious, "Agent Seaver is on desk duty for that stunt she pulled with Drew, and you know Reid and Seaver don't get along. Why are you hesitating Morgan? Did something happen between you two last night?"

"Yeah," Derek sighed, "Last night… we went out but… I hooked up with a chick and kinda gave Spence the cold shoulder. By the time I looked around he was gone. A few moments later he texted me telling me he was at home and to have _fun_."

"Ouch." Aaron commiserated, "Knowing you two that's a hard pill to swallow but put on your game face and go get him. We cannot lose the one."

"Yes sir," the ex-cop reluctantly.

Hotch's hand flew up and Derek snatched the keys to company's SUV out of the air, "Go swing by his place and get him, pronto. Drag him out of bed and drown him with coffee if you have to."

Sooner that he liked, Derek was at the Lagham Apartments, staring at the second floor where Reid's apartment was. Every fiber in his being wanted to turn around but there was greater cause here. He couldn't be selfish and it wasn't like delaying would put off the inevitable so, gritting his teeth Derek jumped out of the vehicle and strode to the doors.

Luckily another tenant was leaving and he slipped in with the open door. Swiftly he bypassed the rickety elevator and took the steps and in forty seconds flat he was standing at room number twenty-three.

Morgan grimaced, knowing that what was going to happen next was going to surpass uncomfortable, but he still knocked.

Nothing.

He tried again to get the same result, nothing. He then banged on the door, "Come on Reid, open up. We need to go."

Still Derek tried again and to his surprise, Reid answered, "Coming, hold on."

Morgan frowned, something was really off. Reid never sounded so... _chipper_ , ever. But that was Spencer Reid's voice. Derek hated to think it but was Spencer on something? Damn it was he back on… drugs?

Grimacing even more Morgan stood, mind prepared to straighten out the major blunder of last night.

The door opened and just as he opened his mouth to speak the picture before less than a foot away from him made Morgan's eyes pop wide open. Reid stood there, adroitly leaning on the door jam with his hair in a ruffled, just-rolled-out-of bed way, he had on a fitted V-necked sweater and deep blue bootcut jeans.

 _Jeans_ ; holy shit! Jeans! A piece of clothing that Morgan swore Reid never had. What the hell was going on?

"Reid?"

Hazel-green eyes blinked before a crooked smile titled Spencer's lips. The next words he spoke would never be erased from Morgan's memory.

"Oh, you're looking for Spencer," Reid said a little too smoothly for Derek's comfort. It was almost like a cat's sibilant purr. "I'm sorry, he isn't here."

A stifled beat of time passed before Morgan frowned, "….I'm sorry?"

"You asked about Spencer," Reid said easily…almost flippantly, "Like I said, Dr. Reid isn't here."

When those seven words really sank in, Morgan almost had an aneurysm.

* * *

TBC…

I will post the next chapter but I ask you to read them in the sequence they're in. When it's all done I will post them in one long one-shot. So...what do you think? Comments/criticisms will be appreciated.


	2. Part 2

_**Part 2;**_ _**August 20, 10: 10 a.m**_

* * *

At first Morgan had thought that Reid was playing some kind of twisted game and was about to say something in the line of, _"Come on Pretty Boy, stop playing"_ , but by the level state of the golden eyes before him, he knew it wasn't that.

This version of Reid truly believed that Spencer wasn't there. Fuck, it was clear now his friend was in the middle of a psychotic break.

Morgan knew he had to handle this like he was walking on fine glass; barefoot. He needed to fall into damage control mode immediately and play into this version of Reid's delusion.

"Bummer," Morgan murmured in a disappointed tone, "I told him I'd be coming by. Morgan here, who're you by the way?"

"I'm Alex Myshkin," Alex/Spencer said with a lopsided grin and stuck a hand out. "A good friend of Spencer…. So you're _the_ Agent Morgan."

Derek frowned slightly at the stress on 'the' but didn't push it.

"Yea," Derek replied, "I am, pret- um, Spencer and I had our usual breakfast switch this morning. I was to take him out to his favourite coffee joint."

Alex/Spencer wrinkled his nose, in the same way Reid always did when he found something dissatisfying, "I hate coffee."

Now Morgan was really sure this was bad. What part of _the_ Spencer Reid he knew didn't like coffee? Reid practically lived on the stuff to the point where Morgan had once teased Reid that ninety percent of his blood _was_ coffee. That had earned him a glare and twenty-three minute and fifteen second lecture.

This Alex had to be an subconscious disassociate identity that Reid had suppressed over the years and maybe the hurt from last night had caused the conscious Reid to sink into his own mind and allow this personality to emerge.

Fuck, this was worse than bad.

"Um, okay, may I come in then?" Morgan asked.

"Sure, of course," Alex/Spencer replied holding the door open. "Spence would kill me if I turned his precious Morgan away."

Derek shot the man in front of him a look, "His... _precious_ Morgan."

Alex/Spencer perched himself on a bar stool behind the kitchen counter and gave Derek a sympathetic look. "Typical Spencer, I don't know how many times I told him to just admit it but he never did."

"Admit what?" Derek asked with trepidation lacing his words.

"Oh come on Agent Morgan," Alex/Spencer pinned him with a contemptuous look, "If you're such a profiler, how can you _not_ know the Spencer is in love with you?"

Even though he was expecting something like that, the words said in plain English, seemed to both carve something out of Derek's stomach and hit his head with a bowling ball.

"Granted," Alex/Spencer continued, "He tried to tell himself it was only a crush that started from way back when. But every time you kicked down a door or fly-tackled a criminal or when you'd tenderly hold a child victim, Spence fell deeper and deeper."

Derek tried to not grimace, instead he just turned away for a moment before facing the other. "…I honestly didn't know that… Who're you to him though?"

Alex/Spencer gave a lopsided grin, "Me? I'm the person Spencer has been hiding from you all for years. I'm his best friend. His mother introduced us as children."

At that Morgan felt the cell phone in his pocket vibrate, Hotch was calling and this had to be perfect timing.

"'Scuse me." Derek says fishing the device out and swiping the screen.

"Morgan, where are you. You have fifteen minutes to get back here!"Hotch snapped.

Derek shot an apprehensive look at not-Spencer who was now putting some bagels to toast. "Hi Hotch, Spencer ain't here."

Hotch was silent for a while, "... What do mean Agent Reid isn't there? I can hear someone in the background."

"Yeah man, I know that but…." Morgan said making sure to stress the most prominent words that would clue Hotch in, " _Spencer_ isn't _here_."

"Agent Morgan," Alex/Spencer called over his shoulder the butter knife up, "Would you like one?"

Pausing to slightly tilt his phone so Hotch could hear, "No thanks Alex, where did you say Reid went again, his boss wants to know."

Alex/Spencer dusted his hand off a towel, "Ah, the famous Aaron Hotchner, the unmovable chief of the BAU. I don't know really, Spence just grabbed his bag and left. He was mumbling about finding some book his mother once to read to him. Hmmm, these blueberry bagels are amazing. Are you sure you don't want one?"

Morgan gave him a strained smile while shaking his head, "Pretty sure. Heard that Hotch."

"…Morgan, I'm sending JJ to you right now and I'll tell her how to handle this. I have to pull Garcia, Seaver and possibly Todd from counter-terrorism for emergency purposes. Prentiss, Rossi, and I will have take lead on this case. Morgan, figure this mess out and do whatever you can to get Spencer back."

"Will do Hotch."

A deep guttery moan came from behind him and Derek turned to see Spencer liking raspberry jam off his index finger.

Every muscle in Derek's body went tight. Was that the sound he would hear in the bedroom, with Spence under him and groaning uncontrollably from the pleasure Morgan was unrepentantly giving him?

Alex/Spencer eyed him, "So, what did the stoic unit chief want with Spencer?"

Trying to look unconcerned Derek shrugged off his jacket not disregarding how the younger man's eyes followed the flex of his chest with a light of interest. Hopefully that was some indication that the same Spencer who had kissed him last night was in there somewhere.

"Nothin' much, just wanted Reid to come in and go over the results of a custodial interview he did a week ago." Derek said casually, "Hey man is there any beer in here? Reid always stocked up for when I come by."

Alex/Spencer rolled his eyes but moved to the fridge and took out a dark bottle, "Really Morgan, it's barely ten o'clock."

"So?" Morgan reached out and took the bottle from him, making sure to let their fingers brush. The slight flush he got from that move made his suspicions about the real Spencer was still in there somewhere. "It's five somewhere man."

"Touché," Alex/Spencer drawled in that same dry sardonic drawl of his. "So, are you going to do it?"

"Do what?" Derek asked after popping the cap.

"Tell Spencer how you feel about him," Alex/Spencer said as he leaned back but still held Morgan's eyes. "Your kindness is killing him you know. Why are you holding back?"

Morgan ran a hand over his head and sighed, "The Bureau specifically prohibits fraternisation. Reid has his whole career before him; this, putting bad guys behind bars is his life, if he's found in delinquency; _that_ will kill him."

"So you're holding back to protect him while he pines away? Do you see how unquestionably paradoxical that is? No Morgan, by staying away you are the one who's killing him." Alex/Spencer said shrewdly.

Morgan was about to say something when the doorbell rang. Damn, JJ had to have driven like a bat out of hell on the wings on the wind to get there so quickly.

Alex/Spencer squinted at the door, "Who's that?"

"Hell if I know," Derek shrugged as he stood up, "I'll get it though."

"Fine," Alex/Spencer replied as he stood up too and went back into the kitchen.

Sighing in relief at Alex/Spencer's apparent disinterest Morgan went to the door and opened it to see JJ standing there with a pronounced discomfort on her face.

"Hi JJ," Morgan said as calmly as he could, "Come in, whatcha doing here?"

JJ smiled even though the edges were a bit strained if you looked too hard, "Thanks Morgan, I came to see if Spence would come by. Henry's been taking my ear off about wanting to see his 'Uncle Penner', where's Spence by the way?"

Good, she was playing the role.

Derek frowned, "You mean Hotch didn't tell you? Reid is AWOL, JJ. He just skipped town."

Shrugging of her coat JJ sported a concerned look on her face, "Really, that's not like him. Do you know where?"

"Who knows," Alex/Spencer said as he ambled out from the kitchen, his lanky body sporting a relaxed grace no one ever knew he had. His hips rolled with confidence and his head was up too. "Spencer was always a law unto himself."

Needless to say JJ was shocked to her core; no one had ever seen Spencer like this before.

A cocky grin crossed Alex/Spencer's face, "Ah, you must be the lovely Jennifer Jeaureu."

JJ smiled a bit and held out her hand to him, "I am, and you are?"

"Alex Myshkin," Spencer said reaching out to shake her hand, " _Ty ochen' krasivaya devushka_."

JJ"s blue eyes widened a bit and she gave a soft confused laugh, "I'm sorry?"

Spencer's butterscotch eyes glimmered, "So _Spence_ never told you that you're a beautiful woman in flawless Russian before?"

"No," JJ shot a look to Morgan, "And I didn't even know he spoke Russian."

Alex/Spencer shrugged, "His mother used to read a lot of Dostoyevsky when he was younger, but the English version. He was ten when he decided to enjoy it the real language and went to study it."

"T-that's surprising," JJ said looking even more worried now, "Looks like Spence has a lot of things we don't know about."

Alex/Spencer laughed and perched himself on the arm of the recliner, "You don't know the half of it."

"What do you mean?" JJ asked.

"He was in love with you Jennifer…well, once upon a time," Alex/Spencer said bluntly, "Do you recall how much he stammered asking you to the Redskins game? Eventually though it simmered to a fraternal affection. He saw you as a big sister and respected your love for Will."

Now that was like dropping a bolder onto JJ's mind but even with her shock she recovered quickly, "I…honestly didn't know that. But, I've seen him in love with that movie star, Austin I think?"

Alex/Spencer tilted his head, "He was… but then the whole issue with her father shut it down quickly."

JJ frowned, "Are you sure you can tell us this? Reid is a private person, he might be mad with you for divulging his secrets."

A piano hand waved negligently, "Reid knows who I am. I told him a long time ago that I can't hold secrets. I'm pretty sure he didn't tell you that his sexuality is fluid either. He doesn't care about the sex of the gender identity; it's the person behind it he's drawn to."

JJ shifted on her seat and her discomfort was apparent in her face, "Well…that… doesn't surprise me but I think it's better to hear those kinds of things from Spence."

They were both drawn to Alex/Spencer's low chuckle, "Jennifer, do you know that you are the only one Spencer allows to call him 'Spence'."

He then slanted a sly eye to Derek, "… Just like he only allows Morgan to call him 'Pretty Boy' of 'kid' and Garcia with her… well everything. Growing up Spencer hated nicknames; it's so good to know that he found a family in you guys…" Alex/Spencer sighed and shifted on his feet and looked down in such a familiar gesture of Spencer. "…It's so much better than the one he grew up with anyway."

The mention of Spencer's abusive father, his affected mother and how he had to grow up faster than he had ought to, made JJ's eyes start to tear up. Morgan knew it was time to get out before she lost her composure.

"Oh," Morgan said while checking his watch before slipping his mirrored shades on, "I think we need to leave, I spotted our numbers on the fridge. Hey Alex, give us a call us if Spen- Reid shows up?"

Alex/Spencer grinned at the near slip-up, and leant into Morgan, "Will do Agent."

JJ stepped forward in a clear sign to hug Spencer but when she remembered this wasn't Spencer she stepped back with pain at the edge of her eyes. "Thank you Alex, it'll help a lot."

With a nod to the man now behind them Morgan placed an arm around JJ's shoulders- her shaking shoulders- and directed them out.

Admirably, JJ held out to they got to the last floor and only when they were out the door did the tears start to run down her face. Her chest heaved and soft sounds were in her throat but she didn't outright cry.

Morgan pulled her on his chest and pressed his cheek on the topside of her trembling head, "I know JJ…but we'll figure this out."

The ride to headquarters was done in shocked but contemplative silence.

* * *

TBC... comments and critiques are welcomed.


	3. Part 3

_**Part 3: August 20, 12: 15 a.m.**_

* * *

The minute Derek and JJ hit the floor in the BAU, they went to work. JJ ran to the archives and got every book on dissociatative personality they had while Morgan routed through Reid's desk looking for anything, a slip of paper, a doodle sheet, a photograph- anything at all that could give them a hint as to what they were dealing with.

Reid's desk was spick and span; tidy to the last unseen dust mote at the back edge of the desk. Derek braced his hands on the edge while both his conscious and his subconscious was screaming at him, vociferously accusing him of this whole ordeal but he actively tuned it out.

"Morgan!"

Stifling the urge to jump Derek looked up at a slightly frazzled JJ bearing a pile of book which she set down on Reid's table and handed him the ' _The Dissociative Mind in Psychoanalysis: Understanding and Working With Trauma_ ' by Elizabeth Howell. "Let's get to work."

Gritting his teeth, Morgan took the book from her and sat in Reid's chair, praying that he'd find something to let him know what he was dealing with.

Stifling the urge to spin the pages, Morgan took his time to seek the relevant pieces of information he needed. The book spoke about various types of trauma that could lead to a break in the psychosis; accident, torture, rape, addiction…child abuse.

Morgan's teeth ground so hard it was a miracle he wasn't swallowing enamel coated dust. Reid had been though all these; child abuse, accidents, torture and addiction but none of them had broken him, so what the hell could it have been? Could it be though, like stones heaping up on each other, had coalesced into the boulder that had broken his back?

The scary reality was that it was a possibility; one that Derek really didn't want to consider. He worked through the books and went on to, " _Treating Complex Traumatic Stress Disorders" and then, "Rebuilding Shattered Lives: Treating Complex PTSD and Dissociate Disorders."_

By the time Morgan was done with three more books, his head was spinning with terms and conditions and untested hypothesis and all kind of crap that didn't give him a goddamn foot to stand on. With one look to JJ whose had was permanently pressed on her forehead he saw that she was not better. The last time he'd had seen JJ like this when Tobias had kidnapped Reid and he had snapped at her, after she had begged him to tell her truth-which was more like adding more blame on her already guilt laden shoulders.

"Coffee." He said while going to the break room; it wasn't a question. In the break room he put on the coffee pot and just as he was taking out two mugs, he spotted the sugar shaker was refilled almost every day because of Reid and his unhealthy addiction to sugary coffee.

Taking up the container Morgan said, "I swear pretty boy, when you come back I won't ever rag you about sugar anymore…"

The discrete clearing of his throat behind him made Morgan aware of JJ's presence as she came to stand beside him. "This standing point makes you look at everything differently now, huh?"

A noncommittal grunt was his answer as he poured out his coffee and went back to his chair; just in time to see his phone ring.

"Morgan."

"How is he?" Aaron asked evenly and even though his voice was steady it had an undertone of worry. "Do you know what is going on?"

"He's in the middle of a-" Morgan tried to remember the convulsed term in the books he'd read but dismissed it, "It's an alter ego Hotch, this ego, Alex Myshkin says that he and Spencer were childhood friends. You know how Reid loved to live in his head as kid… I'm thinking this Alex is something Spencer made up to be his friend when he was going through all that shit with his dad and mom and probably all the way to high school when they tortured him."

"Theories are worth little Morgan if you don't have any proof, you know that, get some and you'll have something to work off." Hotchner said curtly.

"Speaking of proof how are thi-" "We're hit the ground running," Aaron replied, "We're handling things here, focus on getting Reid back."

"Yes sir." Derek said before dropping the cell and massaging his forehead, took a sip of his coffee and went back to the books. Three hours later, a hasty late lunch that tasted like rubber in his mouth, two more cups of coffee, a pile of books on his desk, Derek knew he was getting nowhere; so he changed tactics.

"Myshkin… Myshkin… Myshkin…" Derek mumbled to himself while rubbing his temples. Why did that name sound so familiar? Had Reid mentioned it sometime? Probably, but when or why? "Myshkin…"

"Morgan," JJ said tiredly while flipping through another psychology book, "There's something called Google, have you ever heard of it?"

Derek refrained from slapping himself in the face, why hadn't he thought of that? Clicking his console awake he went to Google and typed in ' _Myshkin'_ , in a second Myshkin came up in disambiguation to ' _The Idiot'_ by Fyodor Dostoyevsky and then it all became clear,

"… _Hiding from you all for years. I'm his best friend. His mother introduced us as children."_ Those were the words Alex/Spencer had said.

Swiftly his mind connected the dots. Alex had said that Diana Reid, professor of Literature who had a love for the Russian author Dostoyevsky, had read the young Spencer the book as a child. In truth, a roundabout truth, she had introduced them as children.

Spencer then went on to learn the Russian language at a young age to read the book in its native language seeing as the English version had lost a lot most of its significance.

" _Prince Myshkin has been in Switzerland for the last four years, at a sanatorium for treatment of Epilepsy. At age twenty-six, having recovered his health and in possession of a legal document suggesting entitlement to a significant inheritance, he returns to Russia. In St. Petersburg his purity and guilelessness lead to many false conclusions that he's an… idiot_." Derek read slowly.

By that time JJ had stationed herself over his shoulder and read, "… _In fact he possesses an incisive intellect, deep emotional intelligence and a wisdom that surpasses all the characters in the novel_ …"

"God knows pretty boy had a lot of that." Derek sighed leaning back. "But why did he flip though?"

"Morgan…. Look at this…" JJ said pointing to a section that lead, "He was rejected by Aglaya and Nastasya and recedes to a catatonic state…. When Spence left the bar… do you think he was rejected by a girl or something?"

Derek tensed, "No, and come on, Reid is stronger than that."

"Then it has to be something from the case we had," JJ sighed, "We know that Spence sometimes identifies with the victims like he did with-"

"JJ." Derek cut her off indiscriminately; he did not need to hear about Hankel right then. "…We're getting nowhere…so how about we get someone who can clue us in?"

The media correspondent looked confused, "Who, his Mom?"

"No, JJ." Morgan said while getting up and grabbing his jacket, "I mean Reid's best friend, Myshkin,"

This time when Morgan knocked on Reid's apartment door he was fully prepared for a lot of things but when Reid opened the door topless with rivulets of sweat sliding down his toned body Morgan almost swallowed his tongue.

"Agent Morgan," Spencer/Alex smiled, "You're back, may I ask why?"

Thank god, his mirrored shades were on because he was free to run his hidden orbs down Spencer's body- a body that Derek had never even imagined pretty boy even had. The Spencer he knew was frail and didn't have an ounce of perceivable body muscle. This Spencer had a flat stomach, with defined outline of abs, a cut pelvis dip and distinct pecs with dusky nipples. Where had pretty boy been hiding this?

"I was-," Derek stopped to clear his throat as his voice had gone a bit too husky for his liking, "I was wondering if you could come to the office and help us figure out why Reid would just take off like that."

In reality, Derek was hoping that a trip to the BAU would jerk some of Spencer's memories hard enough to jolt _Reid_ back into full consciousness. "I mean JJ and I work with Reid for far too long and it's obvious that we're missing something…you know they say, the closer you are-"

"The less you see." Alex/Spencer finished with a lopsided grin, "Come in, I just finished some pushups."

Pushups- _mother of god._ Closing the door behind him, it took a lot to stop Derek's eyes from following the silvery bead that was slipping down Spencer's supple spine. "Let me grab a quick shower and I'm all yours..."

Morgan's mind immediately added, _'I swear pretty boy, when you're back you will be,'_

"….so help yourself to anything in the fridge and I'll be right out," Alex/Spencer said and Derek looked up just in time to see the other man shoot him a coy look over his shoulder, the expression in his hazel eyes bordering in seductive as he moved into his bedroom.

"Oh fuck my life," Derek sighed while running a hand over his head before going to the fridge and taking out a bottle of water.

Moving to the window, Morgan cracked the bottle open, lifted and leaned his forearms on the sill while sipping the water. How the hell was he going to play this if Reid didn't return? Could he live with this secret that possible he was the reason for his best friend's break from reality?"

"' _My troublous dreams this night doth make me sad."_ A soft voice said from behind him. Derek turned to see Reid with his hair freshly washed and curling at the ends. His head was tilted and a tiny smile was on his face.

"Um what?" Morgan asked, "

"Gloucester, King Lear." Spencer/Alex supplied in pure Reid fashion. "You looked a bit sad a while ago. Are you worried about Spencer?"

"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't." Morgan replied, while really looking at what the other was wearing. Slim fitted dark blue jeans, a light green collared shirt open at the two front buttons to show a sliver of his chest and a pair of sterling white sneakers. Where the hell had Reid been keeping these things? "Ready to go?"

"Yes….just-" Alex/Spencer spun on his heel and went back to his room. When he came out he was holding a dark fedora in his hand. Then he reached into a nearby table, pulled out a drawer and fished out a pair of Ray Bans and then slipped them on. "All set."

Morgan swore to himself the moment Reid came back to _Reid_ he was going to order him to drop the geek act and wear some of those clothes. They left the apartment and outside hopped into Morgan's truck. Out of the corner of his eyes, Derek was looking in Reid mirrored any of the gestures from the night he had rejected him.

Instead of leaning back into the seat and relaxing, Alex/Spencer only secured his belt, rolled down the window and stuck his hand outside for moment. The slim piano fingers twisted in the air for a moment before he pulled his hand in. Morgan had never seen Reid do anything like that before but even though he wanted to ask, he didn't.

"Did Spencer ever tell you he like the band Bastille?" Alex/Spencer said while staring out the window, "Especially the song, Pompeii."

The only thing Morgan knew about that word was a city that burned after a volcano had erupted over it. "Really, never heard it,"

"I can tell you the lyrics if you want," Alex/Spencer offered, "But I can't sing to save my life.

"Can't hurt," Derek shrugged.

 _"I was left to my own devices, many days fell away with nothing to show, and the walls kept tumbling down, in the city that we love, grey clouds roll over the hills, bringing darkness from above."_ Alex/Spencer said plainly.

Morgan took a moment to ponder the lyrics and said, "That's really...disheartening."

"But that's not his favourite one," Alex/Spencer added with smirk, "Have you ever heard; " _Every carpet, every floor, everywhere I look, I fall, climbing up the walls, I'm climbing up the walls…what goes behind these doors, I'll keep mine and you'll keep yours, we all have our secrets…we all have our secrets._ "

Morgan felt an ominous tremor run under his skin; those words were not easy to swallow while he pulled up into the federal building garage, "No, can't say I ever have,"

"Take a look at _How to Get Away With Murder_ sometime," Alex/Spencer quipped.

Closing the door with a little more strength than needed Morgan frowned, "You've got to me shitting me, Reid watches that?"

"No," Alex/Spencer smirked while following him inside, "But the radio announcer was particular detailed on the where to find that track that day,"

Before they entered the ground floor, Alex/Spencer pressed his fingertips to the sliver doorway and let them slide over the printed seal of the FBI building in the way that Morgan knew pretty boy did when he wanted to memorise the tactic feel of something, and then he pushed the door in.

They took the elevator, went to the sixth floor, and steeped out into the bullpen. JJ was just rounding a corner while holding a pile of files and shot them a smile, "Alex, hi, didn't; think I'd see you so quickly,"

"Well Agent Morgan politely requested my help to find Spencer and I couldn't dare to refuse him,"

JJ looked a bit curious, "Really, why?"

"Spencer is in-"

"A lot of trouble with Hotch if we don't find him soon," Derek railroaded, "Come on man, let me show you Reid's desk and see if you can find something we can't."

With one hand on Alex/Spencer's shoulder, Morgan led them both over to Reid's desk and said, "Have at it man,"

Alex/Spencer reached out a hand and fondled the chair's arm then slipped his fingers over to the headrest and stoked it, "Soft…that's good; I bet it gave Spencer some comfort from his headaches,"

Slipping into the seat, Alex took off his hat and glassed and then pulled out the drawers, starting from the top and worked down one by one and rifled through them. The small boxes held files after files, some present and some past; there were even some cold cases, almost twenty years old, inside that, Morgan had had no idea Reid was looking into.

After working through most of them Alex/Spencer stopped for a moment as his brow crinkled. Then it was like a light went off in his head and Derek felt his heart leap into this throat at the hope that Spencer was back only to see Alex/Spencer drag out the last drawer and upend in on the table.

Morgan startled, "What gives?"

Alex/Spencer was rooting through the drawer with a one minded determination and then pressed something inside the drawer and lifted the false bottom out. "Aha, here it it- Spencer's journal,"

Derek literally took a step back when that announcement was made and he added another thing to his mental tally of things he didn't know about Reid. When had Reid taken to having a journal?

Alex/Spencer spun through the pages, his expression in total opposite of Reid's calm got expressive with everything inside. His eyebrows would lift at a certain passage or his mouth would grimace at another; sometimes though his eyes lit up and danced with mischief.

"Oh Spencer, you naughty boy." Alex/Spencer clicked his tongue.

Curious what Spencer's alter-ego was seeing Morgan tilted his head, "Care to clue me in here?"

In answer, Alex/Spencer just handed the book to him. Morgan, though wary of reading Reid's personal thoughts bit the bullet and took it.

 _'I had a dream and though dreams oft lie, this one was so visceral I woke up hoping he was by my side. Alas, I only felt cold sheets beside me and realised it was just a dream. He- my hero- was gone-physically but in my head, dancing behind my eyes he was still there. His warm arm circling my waist, his hot lips at the name of my neck and sharp teeth nibbling at the point he knew shot lust through my veins. Then he slid his hand, dark and scarred from many heroic battles, down my chest, igniting a fire with its path. Down…down… and even further…to that secret place his fingers knew so well. His dark eyes are swimming with want and my fingers, needing to reaffirm his presence, starts to trace over his head, skim down his nose and press on his lips. Lips that are calling me- begging me- to press mine to them. My index slips between his lips and he wraps his hot tongue around it; suckling in the very way he does to my hard flesh. His eyes are burning now and his thick fingers breaches me with one thrust and says, "Pretty B-"_

Morgan dropped the book like it was a hot iron burning the skin off his hands. Alex/Spencer's eyes were lit with amusement as he spun the chair in a movement so much like Reid would have done, "Secrets...see, I told you"

"Told you what, Morgan?" JJ said as she came to look at them.

Hastily, Morgan scooped the book up, "Nothing JJ….just some stuff general about Reid."

Levelling a warning look to Alex to keep his mouth shut, Morgan turned to her, "It's a bust JJ, Reid left no clues to where he was going."

JJ's face contorted into pain for a moment before she sighed and turned away, "I guess we'll keep looking, maybe get Garcia to trace his cards and such,"

At the name Garcia Alex/Spencer's face lit up. "Garcia, as in Penelope Garcia, the Queen of Knowledge, herself?"

"Uh huh," Morgan replied, causally closing his hand around the book. "what about her?"

"Nothing," Alex/Spencer shrugged while getting up and taking up his hat and glasses, "Just that Spence told me how close you two are and that she mother hen's him sometime."

"Why would he tell you how close we are?" Morgan asked,

Alex/Spencer levelled him an even but exasperated look, "Come on Agent, you know why; don't you think all that harmless flirting would dig into the soul of someone who loved you and give them doubts?"

Gritting his teeth, Derek sighed and after dropping the book into a drawer in his desk, said, "Come on, I'll take you back at Reids."

They had barely reached the elevator and was waiting for it to come when Agent Anderson walked by and stopped. His mouth dropped a little, "Agent Reid?"

Shit! Morgan cursed and Alex/Spencer, who without the hat and shades looked at him, shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked on his heels, just like Reid would have done. "Sorry, I'm not him, I'm Alex."

Anderson's blue eyes got wide and he looked at Morgan and then Reid. "Is this some office prank thing I don't know about? Are we switching names or something?"

Reid frowned, "No, I'm really not him, Spencer is my friend."

Now Anderson was gawking, "Morgan, what the hell is w-"

"Drop it Anderson," Derek snapped, "It's none of your business."

The second the elevator arrived, Derek pushed Alex/Spencer inside and felt a bit gleeful when the door shut in Anderson's face.

"That was a little excessive, don' t you think?" Alex/Spencer mentioned casually while they descended, "Anderson might a peon but he didn't deserve that,"

The tone of the other man's voice had shifted, deeper and more settled like Reid, and Morgan shot a look to him in hope that Reid had returned. The man's pure hazel eyes flickered for a moment before they got the green hint again. Alex had returned.

"Deserve it or not, Anderson knows to not but into other peoples' business." Morgan said as they hit the parking lot, "Come on, let's get you home."

"Okay, sure." Alex/Spencer replied noncommittally while drumming his fingers on the arm rest, "so now that you have black on white proof of how Reid feels about you, what are you going to do?"

For the longest three seconds of his life, Derek Morgan had no answer until, "...I'll cross that bridge when I come to it,"

* * *

TBC: Sorry for the long wait; comment and criticisms are welcomed.


	4. Part 4

_**Part 4: August 22, 12: 15 a.m.**_

Two days.

Two freaking days and Morgan had nothing. Nothing, nada, zero, bupkiss. The last two days had found him scouring through all kinds of psych manuals, reports and cases of people with dissociative identity disorder. A part of him knew that he was trying to fool himself and think that what he had done hadn't gotten to Reid by finding any other reason to explain why Reid had…well, broken.

He couldn't list the hundreds or possibly thousands of times he had spoken about a unsub's stressor, the reason these psychopaths did went on a rampage and did what they did. A breakup with a significant other, a death of a close friend, a job loss, and the list went on but on that list was rejection.

Rejection; the same thing he had done to Reid. It was clear that Spencer had gone against his gut and do something that was totally out of character for him; which was make the first move. And then to have his bold move thrown into his face must have killed the part of Spencer that Morgan, ironically was hoping he'd develop, boldness.

The amount of times Derek tried to push Reid to get out of his comfort zone were countless and the one time Spencer did, he was shut down. Fuck. What the hell was wrong with him?

Midnight found him paging through another book, which just like the others, didn't give him anything to work with.

It was on the second –or third ring, Derek didn't know which he realized his phone was blowing up with a call and he grimly reached out and answered it. "Talk to me."

"Morgan," Hotch said tightly, "We caught the Unsub and we're back on our way to headquarters, come in tomorrow and give us all the details about the situation with Reid, seven sharp..."

Shit.

"It'll be a round table meeting Morgan, everyone will be there…"

Double shit.

"….Strauss excused," Aaron finished,

That small mercy didn't feel like any at all but it was all Morgan could take, "I'll be there, congrats on catching the guy by the way,"

"It was a female actually but that non-sequitur," Hotch replied, "Get there Morgan, we need to get on top of this before it gets ugly,"

 _It's going to be,_ Derek thought as he dropped the beeping phone to the desk and scrubbed face.

 _ **BAU Headquarters 10: 16 a.m. August 23.**_

Fom the seven a.m meet, the past three hours had passed with the whole team, Hotch, Rossi, Morgan, Prentiss, JJ and Garcia going of what was now termed the Reid Incident.

When the team has been called into the room with a clearly mystified Penelope, JJ was the one who had taken Garcia into the break room and explained what was going on with one of her 'babies'. Garcia had come out with wide eyes behind her ruby red glassed and had grabbed her laptop with the stringent aim of finding out what had happened to her precious Spencer.

Three hours later, found them with empty cups of coffee scattered around the table, books open on the table and a lot more closed at their feet. The white board had theories from nervous breakdown to dissociative identity to schizophrenia; all crossed out. The team was getting tired, anxious and progressively worried while Derek was feeling guilty.

Hotch pinched the bridge of his nose, "We're getting nowhere. All of Reid psych evals read normal," Aaron stressed as he leaned wearily on the wall of the bullpen, his eyes searching over the five gathered. "There were no flare ups, no signal of any pending psychotic break. So what the hell happened?"

They were going to kill him but he had to speak up. "I know..." Morgan said almost silently, hunched over his desk with both hands pressed over his eyes.

As he expected, no one really heard him. They all continued spewing out hypotheses about why Reid had...broken.

Hands still pressed against his eyes Derek said a little louder, "... I know why.

This time he was definitely heard and Rossi's Italian tilted accent, a little thicker based on his recent trip to Venice dryly drawled, "Care to enlighten the ignorant Morgan?"

Derek didn't remove his hands but forced himself to speak. "Well, I'm not a hundred per cent sure but I know what might have catalysed this... Hotch...remember when I told you Reid and I went to the club and I was taking to this girl while Reid was sitting by himself and drinking..."

"Oh God," JJ groaned, "Did someone spike his drink? If he did get spiked that could cause an an-"

"No," Derek almost snorted, "You know I always keep an eye on him and besides the fact that Reid only drinks-"

"Cranberry juice and vodka, hold the vodka," Prentiss snapped, "Get to the point Morgan."

"Well Hotch... what I told you about hooking up with a chick… that was a load of bull." Derek said this time dragging his hands from his face only to scrub them over it. "The truth is...the night went fine, and I even got Spence to let loose and dance a little."

He knew that statement had evoked delighted surprise from the rest but he knew that what he was going to say next was going to destroy it.

"Soon though we decided to head out. I drove Reid to his place and..." Morgan struggled, trying to get the next words out but couldn't.

Closing his throat, Morgan swallowed again, flinching a little at the sting of saliva over an extremely dry throat, "When we got to his place..."

"Spit it out Morgan." Emily hissed with her eyes narrowed. "We don't have all day."

"He kissed me," Derek blurted out, "Reid kissed me."

Aside from Garcia's delighted gasp the whole room went as silent as a graveyard. That silence didn't bode well for Derek and he looked up to see impassive faces around the room. "Um guys? What the hell? You're not surprised?"

"No." Rossi shrugged.

"Me neither," Prentiss added.

Morgan felt bowled over, "JJ?"

A soft smile and a slow shake of her head announced that even she wasn't surprised about the kiss.

Derek groaned, "No one?"

"I've been praying for that actually," Garcia grinned, "We all saw it Derek."

"Be that as it may, what did you do Morgan?" Aaron asked very evenly.

Digging his fingertips into his forehead Derek grated, "That's the problem... I didn't do a damn thing. I knew I had about five seconds but in six, Reid was out the door and I...fuck..."

Derek swore pushing off his chair and started pacing the room in agitation, "Damn it.. I didn't do anything and that made it worse. If I had said something! Even if I had rejected him, it might have stopped this... But I really should have..."

"Told him that you wanted him," Rossi inserted evenly.

Seeing as he was backed into a corner and there was no way to avoid it, Derek leaned over the wall and stuck his hands into his pockets, "... Yeah."

A scrape of chair legs, an aggravated huff and the clickety-clack of neon pink heels announced the angry departure of Penelope Garcia.

Morgan almost lurched off the wall at the mixed look she gave him beyond the door froze him in his tracks. It was a melange of anger, disbelief and the worst... disappointment.

"Pene-"

The slamming door cut off the rest of his words. Derek felt a strike of pain run through him like a heated lance. In truth he would have preferred screaming rage instead of the quiet dismissal.

The silence stretched for a long moment before Hotch asked, "Morgan, how long have you been... having these feelings for Reid?

Derek sighed," I honestly don't know... It probably was always there but it grew after... _him_."

"Hankel," JJ sighed, her summer blue eyes down in dark memory, "I know... it haunted me too."

"I remember you saying you'd have Hankel's head on a stick, after the kidnapped Reid...and with the look on your face..." Hotch said, "...It doesn't seem that this started after that."

Morgan reacted, his arm swept over the table and three books clunked on the floor, "What do you want me to say Hotch? Huh? That I denied it for months- _years_ even- and the one moment I got a chance to own up to it, I fucked it up? Is that what you want me to say?"

"I want you to take a break Morgan." Hotch replied in his trademark stoniness, "Go take a breather,"

"Fine," Morgan replied in the same tone and strode out the door. As he hit the landing he knew exaclay where he should go but hesitated before he spun on his heel and went to Garcia's lair. There, Morgan, with raised knuckles, took a moment to really think about what he about to do.

Fifteen minutes after the discussion in the bullpen where an incensed Garcia has stalked out without a single word to him Derek knew he had to make this right.  
Now Derek was poised at the door of her "portal-of-all-knowledge" and was hesitating.

Penelope, for all her eccentric displays, over the top bubbliness, unfathomable optimism, kindness and forgiveness could raise hell when she wanted to. Garcia, when pushed too far, wasn't one to play with and she took her self-imposed "mama bear" position over her "babies" very seriously.

She never failed to mother her darling Spencer Reid whenever she could. She'd show up impromptu at his apartment with a plateful of freshly baked cookies or a basket of groceries, bathing oils or even catering to his nerd-ness with curious Star Trek or Wars stuff.

She loved Reid like a baby brother and by that alone, he, even with his standing as her " _chocolate stud-muffin"_ knew that he'd made himself a place in the Tech Analyst's shit list.

"Oh, just come in Morgan." Penelope snapped through the door. "You look like a goddamn idiot standing there."

Frowning, Derek wondered how she could see him and then spotted the button eye camera just above the threshold and laughed softly to himself; Queen of all Knowledge indeed.

Softly pushing the door to Garcia's lair inside he stepped inside and immediately started talking only, under Garcia's glare, clamp his mouth closed so quickly his teeth clicked.

She on her feet by the time he entered and her body clothed at the aggressive leopard pink, knee high dress and strappy heels was literally vibrating with anger. Derek felt like the worst human being on the planet when he saw tiny beads of tears at the corners of her eyes.

"You," Penelope snapped pocking a similar neon fingernail into his chest. "I cannot believe that you did that to my dewdrop! How could you Derek!"

Taking a chance, Derek reached out and softly grasped her arms. "I froze Baby Girl... I swear, I just locked up and in the next moment, he was out the door. I swear Penelope; I didn't even know he was into me. "

Garcia gave him a halfhearted glare and brushed his hold off, "Even so, you know how fragile his is, you should have chased after him Derek."

"I know that now," Derek sighed in regret, "Hindsight is a bitch."

"Damn right it is," Penelope flopped into her sinfully soft desk chair and brought up a folder on the screen and turned to him, "Open it and look."

Slightly confused Derek took her wireless mouse and scrolled through it. It was an album of he and Reid, candid shots of them over the past years. The one where he had given Reid the whistle, one on Reid sleeping on his shoulder on the plane and a few of them chatting in the break room holding cups of coffee. Shots of them tired after cases, and a few ones of Reid gloating after he had hustled him at poker, pool and any other game that was up Reid's alley.

The last shot was of Reid, laying back in his chair, head titled to the side and his lips curled into a small smile. His left hand was holding a cup of coffee in one hand and fiddling with his edges of his purple scarf with the other. His hair was a bit longish and fell into his lowered eyes but what struck Morgan the most was the serene, peaceful look on his face.

On a whim Morgan zoomed in and traced the line of Reid's eyes and bit back a grimace, Spencer's eyes had been trained to the part of the bullpen where his desk was...where he was.

Reid was staring at him. Fuck.

"Honestly Derek," Garcia said quietly, "How could you not know he was in love with you?"

Shame, that was the acute emotion cutting through Derek's gut at the moment. This level of shame exceeded the moment when his fourteen years old self had to choke out the confession of what Burford had done to him.

"Derek…" Penelope said, "Do you know what you need to do now?"

"I have…no fucking idea," Derek replied, "But I think I need to try something."

Garcia pushed her glasses up a bit. "And what is that?"

With his hand on the doorframe, Derek threw over his shoulder, "Desperate times call for desperate measures baby-girl."

Back in the meeting room Derek looked a strung out SSA Agent Hotchner, "Hotch, I think I need to do something…it might get Reid back."

The older man's dark blue eyes met his with an unasked question, one that Derek was not prepared to answer. The look was mirrored by Rossi, JJ and Prentiss but none of them said anything.

"Go, Morgan," Hotch said in carte-blanche approval, "Do what you need to do."

Nodding, Derek grabbed his jacket left the room and on the way downstairs didn't dare to think of his plan that was decidedly reckless. If speaking to Reid wasn't going to get him back maybe something more tactical might.

The Lagham Apartments never looked so intimidating in his life. Derek frantically rethought this plan but again, he needed to try this.

Hopping out he took the stairs in an unconscious move to kill time but his long legs still took him to Spencer's apartment. He knocked and waited until he heard the deadbolt slide back and the golden-green eyes met his with a smile.

"Alex." Derek said stepping into the half dark room where the most light came from the TV. A quick look to the screen almost gave Morgan the assurance that Spencer had come back because Star Wars _Return of the Jedi_ was on. But sadly, his hope was short lived.

"Yes Agent Morgan?" Alex/Spencer said politely. "How can I help you this time? I still don't know where Spencer is though."

Derek stilled for a moment trying to not obsess that his next step was going to either return Spencer to them or destroy him completely, but it was a chance he had to take.

He reached up and tugged his shades from his face and after swallowing tightly, reached out and tugged the slim, plaint figure to him, "C'mere,"

Alex didn't move from his grasp as Derek lowered his head and just before their lips met, he whispered, "Come back to me Spencer."

* * *

TBC


	5. Part 5

Part 5

* * *

 _ **Previously…The Langham Apartments; 4:45 pm…**_

 _The Lagham Apartments never looked so intimidating in his life. Derek frantically rethought this plan but again, he needed to try this._

 _Hopping out he took the stairs in an unconscious move to kill time but his long legs still took him to Spencer's apartment. He knocked and waited until he heard the deadbolt slide back and the golden-green eyes met his with a smile._

" _Alex." Derek said stepping into the half dark room where the most light came from the TV. A quick look to the screen almost gave Morgan the assurance that Spencer had come back because Star Wars Return of the Jedi was on. But sadly, his hope was short lived._

" _Yes Agent Morgan?" Alex/Spencer said politely._

 _Derek stilled for a moment trying to reassure him that his next step was going to either return Spencer to them or destroy him completely, but it was a chance he had to take._

 _He reached up and tugged his shades from his face and after swallowing tightly, reached out and tugged the slim figure to him, "C'mere,"_

 _Alex didn't move from his grasp as Derek lowered his head and just before their lips met, he whispered, "Come back to me Spencer."_

* * *

 ** _Now…_**

Derek's heart was pounding so strongly in his chest and his attention was zeroed into Alex/Spencer, that his head felt stuffed with cotton and his veins were pumping with adrenaline. A frantic rotation of thought in his head was _, please let this work, please let Reid come back to me._

His lips were a mere inch away from the soft thin lips he'd dreamed about for months, lips that were quivering with- hope, want, love, perfection, completion?- when a warm palm pressed against his chest and pushed him back.

"Agent Morgan, have you gotten your lines crossed? Not that I'm flattered, I am, but I'm not your pretty boy," Alex/Spencer said evenly, "Spencer would have loved to kiss you, but sadly, you're a day late and a few pennies short."

Fuck.

Morgan went for broke. He grabbed Alex/Spencer and spun him towards the closest shiny reflective surface which was the chrome fridge. There the smooth surface reflected their images back at them. Morgan the dug out his cell and with a quick scroll through his gallery found a picture of Reid. He then placed the cell in front of Alex/Spencer.

"Look at your reflection man and then look at this picture, Alex. You are Spencer," Morgan said like a desperate gambler playing his last card. "Somehow, you and Reid are the same, you have the same mind just different personalities."

Ales/Spencer's green-gold eyes flicked from the fridge to the phone and back, three times before he shrugged Derek's hold off. "Agent Morgan, do you really think that Spencer and I are the same?"

"Yes."

The younger man crossed his arms and the same stubborn look Reid's face took on when someone debated with him on something he knew for certain took Alex/Spencer's face, "Are you sure you're not the one with mental problems here?"

If he had hair, Derek was an inch away from ripping some out.

"Alex, please," Derek was reduced to begging, "Just think it through, I know you and Reid think alike, just consider the probabilities."

"I think…" honey eyes were pure gold for a moment before they slipped back to green tinted, "I think you should leave Agent Morgan, you're being ludicrous and I'm thinking that you're seeing things that are not reality."

"Alex-"

"You need to leave Agent," Alex/Spencer's tone was icy, "If this is how you think will get Spencer back, kissing his best friend, then I don't know what he saw in you in the first place, now get out."

"No," Derek said, "You need to hear me out Alex. Spencer created you to deal with his childhood pain, his mother slipping away from him, his father deserting them, his constant bullying form high school to college and hell, even the FBI Academy. Reid had a lot on his plate and I he might not have been dealing it all that well. I know Reid looked to me for a lot of things, a friend, a brother, a protector and a shoulder to lean on and an ear to listen. I swore to you man, I didn't even think that Reid was into me and when I didn't kiss Reid back and the last flicker Spencer was holding was crushed. I gave him that trauma and I fucking broke him man, I admit it, I'm at fault here but then you came in. Reid is inside you somewhere Alex, give him back to me."

"So you can do what?" Alex/Spencer snapped, "Play those games with him, run around chasing after every woman in your fifty-foot radius when you know he's sitting silently on the sidelines hoping you'd turn your eyes to him? For what Agent Morgan? Another of your one-night-stands? I don't think so, you need to leave, _now_."

Strike three, Derek had struck out. With a tightly clenched jaw, Morgan turned around to the apartment, but stopped at the door, "I want him back Alex, so I can love him the way he needs to be loved."

Without another word, Derek left the building and got into his truck. There, he pressed his scarred palms to his face and hated himself even more. God he was an asshole. Reid had trusted him and he had broken that trust. He hated himself so much more than any of the assholes he had cuffed over the years.

Leaning back, Derek for the first time in his life floundered, what was he going to do. How was he going to get Spencer back? Was there some kind of cheat sheet he needed to find to get so- fuck! He had one! Reid's diary!

Gunning the truck into gear, he drove back to the BAU and breezed through the bullpen to his desk where he has stashed Reid's diary. He needed to read this whole thing, despite the raunchy passages inside.

"Morgan!" Hotch called behind him, "Agent Morgan!"

Single-mindedly he yanked his lower desk drawer open and took out the book. When Alex/Spencer had given him the book, he hadn't really looked at it. But now that he had a chance to he did what he was trained to do; profile the book like it was an extension of Reid.

"Agent Morgan!" Hotch said striding up to him with his face like flint, "What the hell is going on? Did you get to Reid?"

"Hotch," Derek said tightly while staring at the book, "This is not the time man, I cannot answer your question right now,"

The senior supervisory agent jaw clenched at the blatant insubordination Morgan was giving him but he understood on some level why Morgan was doing it. It was clear from the ex-beat cop's body language that he had struck on his bid to get the Spencer Reid they all knew and loved back to them.

"Let him alone Hotch." Rossi's voice of reason cut in, "He needs time to figure it out. Derek knows to call may-day when he had no other options."

The air in the room was tense but after a few moments Derek heard the tap of Hotch's shoes leaving the room. With the freedom given to him, Derek released a breath of relief, took up the book and really looked at it.

It was a dark brown leather bound book with covers that had finger marks pressed into the stained cowhide which mean the book was handled a lot and treasured. The edges of the diary were rubbed to tiny shreds and there was no decipherable scent coming from which mean this book was old.

Before he cracked the book open he wondered briefly if he could deal with doing this. Essentially, this was seeing into Reid's mind, his private thoughts and Morgan knew how Reid treasured his privacy. It was something ingrained in the genius, not only because of how he'd been brought up.

Growing up there was no one who Reid could have talked to and made a connection except his mother and she was half-insensate for most of the time. His father had gone and there were no kids he could have spoken to in his neighbourhood. High school was torture for Reid and there was no way Reid could have trusted any of his schoolmates after the football incident. Reid had conditioned himself to keep himself to himself.

But considering that Reid wasn't there, Morgan had to take a chance to get an inkling on how to get Reid back and that inkling was probably printed on the pages inside this book. He'd apologize later.

The fist pages or premium papyrus were blank, a curiosity that Derek didn't know how to analyse yet. He spun to the first page that had words in it and read, "November 30, 2005, " _Reid, I want you to go to the house and see if the deputy has come back. Those were the words that Derek used to try and get me away from Cory Bridges, a budding serial killer , who ironically-well not all that ironically because statics show that those who are close to law enforcement are more likely to use that to their advantage and kill- was the son of the Sheriff of McAllister Virginia. "I never meant to hurt her but, make no mistake; I will shoot your boy right now." Cory had said with a gun to my head. It's funny how he used that term 'your boy', the implications were so many but the one that I keep wondering is, how did Cory know that I wanted to be Morgan's?_

Derek' jaw clenched so hard that a muscle in his face went into spasm. This was ten years ago, they had been called up to that mountain side ten fucking years ago. Reid had had feelings for him for so fucking long and he hadn't seen a thing.

At the bottom was note that was written like an addendum, " _Morgan had hair that time… I think I prefer him that way actually,"_

Christ.

Page after page there were descriptions of the cases the team worked on together, and there were some passages that Morgan hated to read like when they had gotten Reid back after Hankel, how the young man had been all over the place and how he had fought the addiction by himself. His writing was broken as he was in that time. " _It's calling me…it's so strong…I can't do this, I cant hold on, it's so strong…"_

He read about when they had worked the Riley Jenkins murder in Vegas and how Reid had finally come back in contact with his father,

" _He's_ _keeping tabs on you. That's saying something."_ Rossi had said _"Yeah, that_ _he Googled me_ _. That makes up for everything,"_ Spencer had retorted, his tone had been sarcastic but Morgan could see the pain in Reid's eyes. On the page he had written, " _What was silent in the father speaks in the son, and often_ I _found in the son the unveiled secret of the father_." Reid had written also, _"I forgive you, Dad."_

Morgan closed his eyes for a moment but forced himself to move on. Dotted through the book were random quotes from some of team, like when Emily had poked him on the cheek and said, " _He seems so lifelike"_ and when in Sarasota Florida when the police chief had asked, " _Where did you find this kid_ ". Rossi had whispered the police chief, " _He was left on a basket on the door of the BAU"_

He read over how one of the darkest time of his life, when he had feared that Reid was going to die by anthrax and how Reid had surmounted that problem once more. The remembrances started to change of the while, and they got more poetic. Some were even real poetry. _"_ _In faith, I do not love thee with mine eyes,_ _For they in thee a thousand errors note. But 'tis my heart that loves what they despise,_ _Who, in despite of view, is pleas'd to dote;_ _Nor are mine ears with thy tongue's tune delighted;_ _Nor tender feeling, to base touches prone,_ _Nor taste, nor smell, desire to be invited_ _._ _To any sensual feast with thee alone. But my five wits nor my five senses can_ _dissuade one foolish heart from serving thee,"_

"Shakespeare," Morgan murmured to himself, "He loves me even with my faults."

Closing his eyes once more, Morgan remembered the hundreds of times he hugged Reid and the usually skittish agent hadn't pulled away immediately, instead he had lingered for a moment- a bare moment- before he did. Then this passage, "Nor are mine ears with thy tongue's tune delighted; Nor tender feeling, to base touches prone, Nor taste, nor smell, desire to be invited. To any sensual feast with thee alone. But my five wits nor my five senses can dissuade one foolish heart from serving thee".

"Morgan!" JJ ran into the bullpen with a frantic look on her face, "You need to come see this!"

Jerking out of his reverie, Derek slapped the book closed and ran after her. He burst into Hotch's wondering what was going on. "Hotch?"

The answer got came from the TV in the room

"This man has been standing on the highest rung of the 14th Street Bridge in DC. Speculations are rife with suspicions about why this man had gotten there and why he hasn't moved. Passersby noticed him from about five thirty pm. Emergency crews were called in but no one has been able to get through to him."

The camera zoomed in and Derek felt every drop of blood in his body drop to his feet. Sitting on the ledge was Reid!

"Fuck!" Derek shouted as he ran out of the room and blasted back to the bullpen. He grabbed his keys and darted off, not caring that the other agents were following him.

It was after eight in the night and Reid had been up there for over three hours. Morgan knew how fragile Reid- the real Reid was. The man's immune system had taken a beating from the Diluadid, the anthrax and every single time Reid forgot to eat while his brain was in overdrive.

Just as he hit the main road a loud crack rent the air as thunder announced the beginning of whopper. The rain burst down not even three minutes after and lightning was carving the sky in two. Morgan was out of his mind by the time he got to the bridge, shoved his credentials in every face that tried to stop him and darted to the section of the bridge were Reid was.

A loud crack shot through the air and a jagged fork of lightning sizzled the air. Morgan felt his gut drop to his feet when the energy from the lightning ran over his skin. He grabbed the first rung and started climbing with his heart beating in his ears.

The rain was making the metal wet and the hard droplets blurred his vision and Morgan slipped a few times but managed to reach the top. Wild win was dancing Reid's hair every which way but the younger man was deceptively calm. The thin body he wanted to drag into his arms and never let go was soaked to the bone but the placid look on Reid's face never left.

"Alex." Morgan said hoarsely, "Alex, what are you doing here?"

"I thought about what you said Agent Morgan." Alex/Spencer replied, "You said that I am Spencer and Spencer is me... and if a Reid had suffered such strong trauma… I thought that maybe, just maybe a stonger trauma might give him back to you."

Morgan felt like a bolt of lightning had cut through him. Alex was ready to drown himself just to give Reid back to him. "Alex…man-" Derek coughed trying hard to mask the agony in his voice at the very thought of seeing Reid's body float up in the Potomac River. If he had been called to come and identify Reid's body Morgan had no idea what he would have done,

"Alex…we'll get Reid back one way or another but this…this ain't the way." Morgan stressed, "I want Reid back but…sacrificing yourself this way isn't what Reid would have wanted you to do."

Alex/Spencer looked up and twisted his head to the sky as another thunderclap deafened the two, "You're wrong Agent, this is exactly what Reid would wanted me to do, in fact it was what he would have done."

"No man," Morgan pressed feeling panic crawl into his chest once more, "Please, Reid would have found another way to get around this. Please, come down and we'll find Reid together."

Honey-green eyes met his and a small smile crossed his face, "Okay…I'll come with you and we'll get Reid back."

Relieved out of his mind, Morgan reached up and took Reid's clammy hand in his, "One step at a time Alex, careful, the metal is slippery."

Alex/Spencer was pressed flush against him and they took slow steps down. Just as they got to the ledge, Morgan stepped over to get a good foothold on the cement divider when Alex/Spencer let go of him. Derek's head shot back to see Alex say, "He'll come back to you Derek," and pushed off from the ladder.

It looked like slow motion as Reid's body arched and he fell off, backwards, into the dark waters below.

"NO!" Derek screamed as everything inside him, heart, mind, body and soul cried out in agony as Reid body disappeared into the dark water.

* * *

TBC


	6. Part 6

Part 6

* * *

" _NO!"_

The word was on the tip of his tongue but something in his mind stopped him from screaming it out loud. His eyes flew open but they didn't see anything. His other senses then took over and he felt soft sheets at the under his back, smelled Axe-body wash and vanilla shampoo and then felt the warm body near his.

And then it all came back, the dream that didn't feel like a dream; that shit felt like stone cold reality.

Panting slightly on the bed Derek remembered that night, over six months ago, like it was yesterday but the dream had contorted it into something entirely different. The dream did have one thing right, the night after the club where Spencer had kissed him in his driveway had been real, and Derek had hesitated but after Reid had left the truck, Derek had chased after him and they had gone back inside. That time, Derek, had responded to him, repaying the genius's hesitant kiss with a solid one of his own.

After Spencer had realized that they were actually kissing the young genius had gotten his stride. Derek had gladly hauled him over unto his lap. They had spent almost twenty minutes in his truck kissing and about an hour after that confessing their pent up emotions to the other.

Instead of him spending the night at Reid's, the dream had him going over to Reid's place after the "monumental fuck up" the night before to find a not-Reid at the door felt so real, and, now on other side of dreamland, Derek couldn't offer any more mental thanks that it wasn't.

It was the soft brush of hair against his collar bone that dragged Derek Morgan to full wakefulness. He blinked soft sleepy chocolate eyes up to the slowly rotating fan above them and then Derek shifted and his nose came in full contact with a head of soft mahogany hair which glinted darkly blond with the low light. A slender face nuzzled deeper into his neck and similar nose scrunched slightly in his sleep; Spencer Reid.

That night in the truck, Spencer had gotten fidgety about how the dynamics was going to play out as the non-fraternisation clause in the BAU was so absolute, Strauss was only hoping for a moment like this to break them apart.

With soothing words, Derek had calmed him, postulating that they keep this new development between themselves for the time being, to make sure they were in it for the long haul. Each day of the three months after that telling night had been a test to the older man. Whereas Reid could hold his cool with a poker face and his articulate rambling, Derek had found it difficult to keep his.

There were so many numerous times he wanted to just reach out, drag Reid into his arms and press a kiss to his forehead, but the awareness of where he was stopped him cold. He still continued with his usual touches, a fond hair ruffle or an arm over his shoulder and a warm hold when he could get away with it; though his fingers spent a long time in removing themselves from his skin.

The careful façade they had held up for four months had all came crashing down when JJ walked in on them kissing.

There had been a case in Mississippi where six young boys had, over three months, had been abducted beaten drugged and tortured. Reid had identified with the boys and Morgan knew he had every time body came up he had seen himself in that graveyard with Hankel.

The case had stretched for thirteen long days and every night Spence had shivered with nightmares where Derek had to hold him and slowly pull him back into reality. The mornings were no better, Spencer was deathly quiet and he walked around with a haunted look in his eyes.

No matter how Derek tried to shake him out of it, Reid never gave in. After they had broken the case and were back at the BAU, a frustrated Derek had corned Spencer in the break room, softly removed the coffee cup from his hand and seeing the lost look in those usually expressive eyes had uttered a simple, "I'm here for you pretty-boy," before kissing him.

"Morgan I need you to give-oh _god_ ," JJ had stuttered, a foot just inside the doorway and her blue eyes wide. "I-I'm so sorry, I'll go."

"…No JJ," Reid had said over Derek's shoulder, "… Don't."

The fallout- if you called it that- hadn't been that extensive. Garcia had walked away with an invisible crown of satisfaction on her head, declaring that she had known it all along. Prentiss had been skeptical, giving them an eye before threatening Morgan that he was going to see his spleen if he ever hurt Spencer.

With a shake of his head, Rossi had just muttered something under his breath in Italian which lately translated to 'blind idiots'. JJ had been hesitant until Reid had taken her aside and privately told her how good Morgan was to him. Hotch had gone about the revelation in a roundabout way.

After getting the gist of it from JJ, the unit chief had called Morgan and Reid into his office and said, "Morgan, Reid, _hypothetically_ , if this alleged relationship was true; would it affect your work?"

Reid and Morgan had shared a grin and replied. _"Hypothetically,_ no."

"Then _hypothetically_ I don't need to report you to brass." Aaron had said grabbing a file and shooting them a dark look, "But _hypothetically_ , I wish you the best. Now get to work and Morgan don't use this as leeway to slip your files into Reid's.

That was almost six months ago, now they were at Derek's apartment at about three am in the morning and Derek was thanking everything he could that the dream wasn't his reality.

"Mmmh, Der'k." Reid mumbled sleepily from his collar bone, "Yer thinking 's too loud."

Derek couldn't hold back a chuckle, "Isn't that my line pretty boy?"

Sleepy golden eyes blinked open, "I guess."

Morgan heard his words but didn't grant them as much attention as he was staring at Spencer's face. After a moment honey eyes shifted to concern and Reid levered himself up to place a hand on Morgan's chest, "Derek, is something wrong?"

For a quick second Derek considered telling Reid the dream but knew that would cause a lot of problems. Instead, he smiled and placed a thumb under Reid's left eye.

"No," Derek smiled. "I was just thinkin' how beautiful you are."

Spencer's nose wrinkled, "Do you know there's no conclusive way to measure beauty. For example, in the Regency Era beauty was considered by girth, heavy women were termed beautiful whereas now in the twenty-first century, the body-fat rati- _mmhm_."

Derek had cut him his burgeoning ramble off with a small kiss. Derek pulled back and whispered on his lips, "You're beautiful baby boy, leave it at that."

"Derek?" Reid asked, slowly, "What are you doing?"

"What does it feel like pretty boy?" Derek said as he traced a pebbled nipple before leaning down and biting at Spencer's earlobe. "Still, so gorgeous."

Spencer didn't even try to muffle his moans that Derek's soft ministrations evoked, but this time, instead of raw lust, it was a soft sigh of pleasure. Derek kissed his jaw and slipped to his neck, pressing a kiss and sucking a warm love bite there. Derek's lips, inch by inch slipped down to nick at his collarbone, and then close of his left nipple, teasing the tight bud with his tongue.

Spencer grabbed Derek's hair and arched back as pleasure ran over his nerve endings. The moment he pulled off the cold air that took over made Spencer gasp; he wanted Derek's hot mouth back on him. The same treatment was done to his other nipple and Spencer was reduced to soft static pants. Those lips traced down to his belly, mouthing over the modest rise and falls of his stomach.

Licking his lips, Derek leaned down, pressing his face into the crook of Spencer's neck and breathing in deeply. "I love marking your smooth skin and watching you bite your lips when the pleasure is too much but most of all, I love seeing those bedroom eyes, begging me to slake that lust inside you."

All Spencer could do was to bring his hands up and wrap them around Derek's head. "We had sex eight hours and ten minutes ago, are you that horny?

Derek laughed, "You're naked and in my bed, what do you expect?"

"Hm," Spencer sighed, "You have a point,"

"Do you want me Spencer?" Derek asked while kissing damp skin, his head then twisted to the side and gave the younger man a deep liquid chocolate look. A look that stole every particle of air from Spencer's lungs,

Golden eyes fluttered closed, "Please."

Slowly, so very slowly Derek leisurely stretched his body over Spencer's in a precursor of how he was going to stretch out their time together. He teased Spencer, kissing and licking every inch of Spencer's body, starting from his chin all the way down to the tip of his toes, before he rose and again and captured Spencer's lips, making him whimper and moan, bringing him to the brink and back again.

Derek's hands had trailed all over Spencer's skin until the man's body was hot to the touch, and every time Spencer had gotten close to coming, so close that he had begged and pleaded, Derek had denied him. Derek had wanted it to last, and last it did.

Spencer had come twice before Derek prepared to enter him. By that point-the brink of madness- Spencer was a mess; all loose-limbs and shuddering flesh. Derek's fingers slipped down between them and found the small entrance that had admitted him not even ten hours before. Spencer was still loose enough that Derek's thick fingers were admitted without much fight.

"You still want me, pretty boy?"

Blunt nails sank into his back, "Please, make love to me Derek

Then, when Derek finally **did** push inside, Spencer had gripped on to him with his legs wrapped tightly around his waist. His hands were grasping desperately across the span of Derek's back as if he didn't want to let him go.

The smooth push of Derek's cock inside him, the heat of Derek's body over his and the taste of Derek's lips left Spencer so displaced that his mind was solidly on another plane of existence. Allowing his legs to drop to around Derek's thighs Spencer rocked with the slow motions of Derek's cock inside him. A hot mouth was suckling at his nipples and the dome of Derek's cock kept pressing that pleasure center deep inside him.

The roots of Spencer's hair were wet with sweat and his body was shimmering with a slight coat of sweat. His arms were wrapped around Derek's middle as he moved. A hand slipped under his thigh to prop it up while the sex continued. Blinking his eyes open Spencer cupped Derek's face and pulled him in for a kiss. Lips met with soft sweet kisses and the majority of their strength had been used in the foreplay.

Spencer's back arched as the sensation of orgasm was starting to grow inside him. His over-sensitized nerves were so receptive to stimulation he didn't have to do much to archive the highest form of pleasure ever created.

Derek's hot, slow and deep thrusts drove into the very core of him, and Spencer's lip was permanently trapped between his teeth. On his back, Spencer felt the sweat-slicked abs clench and release with every push. His hand fisted the sheet as each thrust dug deeper into him. There was an inferno in Derek's belly and white was building behind his eyes.

"Spencer…"

A tousle of mussed hair only twisted to the side as the genius moaned.

"Spencer… baby, look at me," Derek ordered.

Spencer barely managed to force his heavy lid open to meet my eyes. His hand reached up and behind to clutch at Derek's head as the thrusts started to pick up. Spencer's head then lolled back.

"Oh fuck!" Spencer clenched as he felt that trembling that had just started in the deepest part of him, climbing and climbing. His nails sank into Derek's neck.

His body was tightening now, locking up for the massive orgasm that was just on the edge, but there was no way Derek was going to let it go that quickly. Derek knew it was cruel but damn it he wanted this to last. Derek's thrusts slowed, the sex burned hotter as the invasive breeches got deeper and deeper inside his baby's belly. Spencer was trembling under him as the youngest profiler's body calmed down. It was a deep reaming of epic proportions and Spencer fought the tears that were threatening to brim over. Hot lips claimed his own as their lower bodies joined into something greater primal. It was something cosmic and eternal. A joining that Derek was never going to take for granted.

"Der-eekk.. " Spencer clenched around the slick thrusts that seemed to breach his soul.

Spencer's slender thighs tightened and his stomach was trembling. Intuitively, Derek reached between them and started to stroke him. Soon, it was too much; way too much. Spencer arched, and released the tight tension in his gut with a soft gasp and cry. Derek's jaw went stiff and quickly followed him as the throes of release stained his face. Derek released in the thin condom that Spencer had barely felt all through the most pleasurable stretch of time in his life.

Admirably Derek held the bulk of his weight from crushing Spencer until he eased up and withdrew, took off the condom, tied it off and threw it in the trash bin beside the bed. Spencer placed his head on my chest and his eyes dark, sleepy golden eyes had a look of complete satiation, contentment, and exhaustion radiating from them.

Nuzzling his nose in wet hair the dark-skinned agent murmured, "You okay, baby?"

"Yeah," Spencer replied as his eyes bopped in sleep and his wet hair was tickling Derek's chin, "Remind me to return the favor when I'm conscious."

A feeling of utter care and protection filled Derek's chest as he watched the love of his life slowly drift asleep. Before Spencer succumbed entirely, Derek whispered in his ear. "I love you Spencer Reid... all sides of you,"

THE END.

* * *

 _A/N: Let me explain. This fic is called Duality because of the two states, Spencer as Alex and Derek in dream form and real form; two different states for two different existences. I hope that clears stuff up._

 _I'll be putting all chapters in one soon._

Happy reading.


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